the 'f' word

it's 1.19am, i should be going to bed but there's a million things running through my head. and i thought i'd overcome the insomnia after so long...oh well, it's almost like welcoming back an old friend...

hmm, old friends...they used to tell me that friends come and go, i never used to believe them. maybe it's due to that wretched side of psyche that remains sentimental way after the time for sentimentality has long passed. it's way past due time to wake up from this...

i wanted it to last till the end, to stand the test of time. it is almost as if it is alive, nurture it and it will grow while neglect brings you naught. i for one have been most guilty of the latter through certain periods in my life, i make no excuses, i acknowledge the errors of my way. but i used to believe in redemption where the errors can be made right again.

sometimes along the way, we get lost and we hurt the ones closest to us, sometimes later on we find them again and rediscover the friendship again. but sometimes that is the end of it, people move on, close that chapter in their life and see no reason in revisiting it again.

ah, but there is no one to blame, everybody makes mistakes. it is just sad when you discover that you no longer matter in the scheme of the person's life, not even for old times sake. but the hurt could just be a simple reflection of the hurt that was initially felt when one first erred. so there is no one to blame...cest la vie

to all my friends, past, present and future and to those who are no longer friends, this is my tribute to you, thank you for having graced my life.

mungkinkah bila ku bertanya pada bintang bintang
dan bila ku mula merasa bahasa kesunyian

sedarlah aku yang berjalan dalam kehampaan
terdiam, terpana, terbata, semua dalam keraguan,

aku dan semua yang terluka kerana kita

aku kan menghilang dalam pekat malam
lepas ku melayang, biarlah ku bertanya
pada bintang bintang tentang erti kita

dalam mimpi yang sempurna
- peter pan